Breathe Easy
by StephanieIrvine
Summary: Chris Jericho thinks about what he has lost and how much he wants it back. Will he get it back or is it to late?


**Disclaimer** - I don't own anything.

**Breathe Easy**

"_Cruel to the eye  
I see the way he makes you smile  
Cruel to the eye  
Watching him hold what used to be mine."_

I see the way you act when you're around him. Like there's no one else you'd rather be with. How you smile when he does something he thinks you would like. But I know the truth, I know when you smile it doesn't reach your eyes, that deep inside you're hallow and empty. You don't love him, hell you never have. You've never loved anyone outside your family, you said it yourself, not until you fell for me. I was happy and you were too. We talked about the future that we were sure we would have. Do you plan your future with him? Can you even plan your future if you aren't happy? Why did you settle for him? Why?

I've seen him with you and it tears me apart! My heart breaks a little bit more every time I watch him hold what used to be mine. Remembering what you felt like when I held you in my embrace. I miss the feeling of you lying next to me in our bed, in what used to be our house. Your smell, your touch, only your presence is absent. Your clothes are here too, the ones you haven't come to collect. They remain where you left them, I couldn't bear to move them, taking them and putting them away. It would be like taking away all that I have left of you.

"Jericho, your match is up next," I'm suddenly informed.

I stir from my musings, tearing my gaze away from your beauty. Watching you go to him, lean down and kiss his cheek. That used to be me. Sometimes I can still feel your lips on mine, and whispering good luck into my ear.

I stand up, desperate to get away from the sight I see before me. It kills me, over and over. It's cruel to the eye. You look my way and I catch your eyes with mine, I see the sadness that flickered in them, I know you still feel something for me and I hope you can see the regret that is forever present in mine, whenever I see you or even think about you. You rip you gaze away from me back to _him_.

I let out a heavy sigh as I head towards the gorilla, I feel sorry for whoever my opponent is, because I won't be holding back any of my rage. I can't conceal it anymore, not when I see you with him.

"_Why did I lie?  
Why did I walk away?"  
_

I walk through the curtains after my victory walk up the ramp. My mood changes and my shoulders slump. Sure I won the match, but I hadn't won the main prize. You. It's my own fault really, I can't blame you for hating me, and it's no more than I hate myself.  
If I hadn't lied and pretended everything was OK, maybe we wouldn't be where we are. The truth was, I was intimidated by you. Who wouldn't have been? You were remarkable. You write for the show, have an on-screen part. But that wasn't what made me ill at ease, you were Stephanie McMahon. I was Chris Jericho, what could I offer you that you don't already have? Thinking back now, I can't tell you how much I want to swallow back my pride, just to have you back with me.

The day I walked away from you was the hardest thing I ever had to do. My feet felt like lead then. If I walked off the edge into an ocean I would surely have sank. That quite possibly could have been a better reality than living without you. I still ask myself why did I walk away. How did I have the strength to do it? It is beyond my knowledge. Now I just sit and wallow in self pity, due to my own stupidity. When all I ever want to do is pull you from his arms and back to where you belong, in mine. Does it feel strange being in his arms? You don't even look like you fit together. Not like us, we were each other's opposites, you were the ying to my yang! Rob said so himself. We were each other's whole, now I'm lost, I'm only one half and you are the other. Somehow I have made it to my locker room and it's cold, empty and harsh.

"_Curse me inside  
For every word that caused you to cry  
Curse me inside."  
_

I can't help but think how much this locker room resembled the one where I walked away and broke both our hearts. I can still remember it like it was yesterday.

_The rain from the sky, was splattering heavily on to the window on the far left wall. The rain was welcomed, it fitted the mood of the two lone people in the room; regret, anger and pain.  
_

_"You can't do this Chris," was said with anguish.  
_

_"Stephanie, I have too! Don't you understand? You don't need me, you have everything you have ever wanted! What could I possibly add to that? Nothing, that's what! Nothing," he explained regretfully.  
_

_"I want you! I. Love. You!" Stephanie told him pointedly.  
_

_"I'm sorry, I love you, but I can't," Chris told her as he turned to walk to the door, but Stephanie moved to him, pulling his arm desperately making him stop.  
_

_"Chris please..." she begged him as her tears flowed out of her eyes and down past her cheeks.  
_

_"I'm so sorry," Chris whispered as he pulled out of Stephanie's grasp and walking grudgingly to the door, never once looking back, in fear he wouldn't leave. Closing the door behind him, and leaving a broken Stephanie behind, he leaned heavily against the door for a moment, tears blurring his own vision, before pushing himself off and heading down the deserted corridor alone.  
_  
I curse the day I made you cry over me. I had promised you that would never happen with us, I'm so sorry I lied.

"_I won't forget, no I won't baby  
I don't know why  
I left the one I was looking for."  
_

I remember everything about you. I memorized your face while you slept. I traced the lines of your beauty with my finger tips, saving it forever in my memory. I see things that I know you would love in an instant and things you would detest with a hunger only you possess.

I know I'm crazy. How else can I explain why I left you? You had been what I was looking for, for my entire life, and I pushed you away into the arms of the man I hate the most. He gets to hold you at night, sees you first thing in the morning, who you complain to and ask questions and advice for things. Do you realize how much I wish I was the who you did all those with. How much my heart would soar to get its other half back?  
You are my soul mate, even if you don't think so anymore. You are the sun in my sky, the trees that forever bloom in my earth and the blood that runs through my veins, my body giving me life, making me breathe. You are my survival and right now I feel like I'm dying without you resting here with me. My leaves are wilting now, and my sun is dimming without you.

"_Out of my mind  
Nothing makes sense anymore  
I want you back in my life."  
_

Sometimes, I go crazy seeing you two together, I go out of my mind with rage. Like my match before, nothing made sense anymore, it was all grey, and all I could picture was him and you.

I know I have to stop thinking about you, it's not good for me. I get up and head to my door and when I open it who do I see? None other than you, you're just about to pass me without speaking and without thinking I reach out and pull you into my locker room and close the door sealing us in. The look on your face makes me want to laugh.

"What the hell do you want Jericho?" You screech at me.

Truth be told, I'm as clueless as you are. There's a lot I want; good health, to be the WWE Champion. But all that I want, all that I need is...

"You," I tell you in a quiet whisper, not even sure that you heard it but the look on your face tells me that you have. I can't gauge your reaction.

"Me? You want me? After you left?" You ask.

"Yes." Have I suddenly lost my vocab? One word answers, I can so do better than that.

"Do you expect me to just take you back? What! You snap your fingers and I welcome you into my arms? Think again Jericho! You blew your chance and you know it!" Boy is she pissed, although she's always been good with the comebacks.

She moves towards the door to open it, she's not leaving, not until she's mine again. I grab her and pull her to me and I can't help myself, when I lean down and seal our lips together. God, how I missed heaven. Her lips are just as soft as I remembered them. I smile against her mouth as she starts to respond just as eagerly. I wasn't the only one who had missed this.

"Chris," I hear slip passed her lips in a breathless whisper as I pull away.

"I want you, God I want you," I tell her honestly, as she smiles up at me.

"_I can't dream another dream  
Without you laying next to me  
There's no air."  
_

The smile on my face has been plastered there for hours, since she told me she wanted me too and that she was mine. Now here we are in bed, OUR bed and she's asleep. By my side, like it should be. I can feel myself drift off also, but this time the dreams will come filled with Stephanie, because unlike before I'm whole again. I can breathe without feeling like there's no air. I feel her snuggle into my side and unconsciously I wrap my arm around her. Knowing she's back where she belongs. This time I won't let pride stand in my way. We are forever and I plan on making that final, when you wake up, I have the ring, it's inside my bedside table. I love Stephanie, I was lost before, but I found my way home.

To her.

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